Just declare that you are sick and tired of being wishy-washy, vanilla, indecisive.

Wouldn’t it be cool if that’s all there was to it? I’d say!

But it doesn’t work that way for most people, most of the time <— notice I leave a sliver of door open should you desire to straight up Prove Me Wrong?

Don’t get offended. I’m not saying you’re incapable of kicking that crap. I know you Rock.

I’m just saying I don’t want you to get discouraged if it doesn’t work out that quickly for you.

And if wishy-washy is your curse, then lighting a fire under your ass and Keeping it Lit may be something of an uphill battle for a spell.

Why bother if it’s something like work?

As if feeling kind of blaisé weren’t enough already?

I mean, wouldn’t you rather have a mysterious and slightly mischievous Secret Agent groovy mix as the soundtrack to your life rather than elevator Musak?

‘Nuf said.

Now there’s a minute possibility you may be wondering what in the world this has to do with the Natural Professional.

Well, geez, besides: EVERYTHING?!

Check it out: The natural professional lives aligned nay,
immersed in her core essence.

And just try arguing with me on this one: your core essence may be described in many ways, but wishy-washy is not one of them.

Feeling wishy-washy or indecisive is just an energetic pattern holding you in a suspended state of borderline paralysis. Break the pattern and you release yourself from suspension.

Deep down, you Know what you want. Doesn’t matter if you know why—in fact you probably don’t.

Indecision means that your soul is saying one thing and your head is saying something else. When they are aligned, You Know It.

On some level, you’re needing to be reminded that life is a big-fat-nutty game and it’s time to stop taking yourself so seriously. Time to get Lively. Spunky. Groovy. Whatever your dish is.

What you’re actually doing is disrupting the patterns that you fall into by default. You’re stirring up a little fire within. And then, letting that flame shine the light on reconnecting you with your soul and all its delicious desires.

The process is simple

1. Notice pattern (i.e. that you are feeling wishy-washy).
2. Do something different.

Noticing the pattern gets quicker the more you do it which is great because the faster you catch yourself, the easier it is to stop.

Just like quickly catching a leak in your little wood rowboat makes for much faster bailing out the water than if it’s been leaking like a fiend all night long. Same general principle.

You might even want to acknowledge out loud to yourself: Hey! I’m feeling wishy washy. Which is about as blatant a self-observation as you can make.

Doing something different can be tough because in the moment, you just ain’t feeling it. If you’re feeling wishy-washy, how can you feel anything but that?

Right there, ma’dear, is where you get to be creative. Remember, all you’re looking to do is change your energy.

Here are 4 ideas, but really, do whatever works for you.

• Sing out loud—goofy, gawdy and crazy enough to make people think you should be checked in somewhere.
• Jump around shaking every limb and body part you possibly can.
• Blast your favorite music and boogie down like nobody’s business. It doesn’t matter that you aren’t  feeling it, doing it will start getting you to feel it. There are perfectly logical psychological reasons for this which I’m not going to get into right here, right now.
• Plaster a big ole shit eating grin on your face and hold for at least five minutes.

You’ll notice that most (eh hem, ALL) of these involve some form of making a complete ass of yourself. Yah, well, what better way to shake it up than getting crazy?

Life Is Too Freaking Amazing to waste it feeling like a doofus—it just doesn’t jive with your soul!

OK, that’s it for now. Go forth and get wonky!

What is your default state of mind?

Hmmm, you might not know what this means. I didn’t get it until a friend told me what hers was.

She said that when nothing else was going on, her default state of mind was creativity.

She has a tendency to rest in a state of curiousness and possibility, no matter what’s going on. Not surprisingly, she’s an artist.

After that conversation, I wondered what my default was? How cool if it were something fun and creative like that! Alas.

I’ve since noticed what mine is: low-grade worry with a splash of self-doubt and a hint of anxiety. Not enough to warrant medication but enough to make me wonder what life would be like without it.

The little voice in my head tells me it’s perfectly normal. I haven’t, after all, reached my business growth goals. Once I get there, the worry feeling will be replaced by a feeling of success. (Are you sniffing a skunk here?)

In fact, I’ll go days without feeling it—especially when something particularly good happens, progress is made or after a fun, relaxing weekend—which is when I let my guard down.

(Enter the bad guy.)

Yesterday I was feeling a little out of sorts for no reason that I could see. Rather than disappearing with a good night’s sleep, it hung around this morning. Nothing major. I kept to my morning routine, got out of the house to a cafe for morning writing and Bam! Realization hit: Default is back.

Here’s the real problem with default: it tells you that once X happens, then it will go away. This is 100% B.S. Ego Talk (that’s the technical term).

Remember that we’ve been through all this with the ’80s materialism backlash? We already know that getting the big promotion, getting the big house, getting the sports car will not make us happy.

This is a variation of that unrealistic belief. No matter where or how far you go, default will go with you—unless you reprogram your brain. This is totally doable, and explainable, if you’ve been read about neuroplasticity.

Neuroplasticity is a term for the brain’s ability to restructure by forming different neural connections. This happens automatically when the brain is learning something new, compensating for something (like disease), and can also happen through conscious attention.

Now, if your default is positive—yippee!!!—you’re pretty much off the hook here.

If, however, your default is negative (like mine is) then t’would behoove you to take pro-active measures because the situation ain’t gonna change on its own—don’t believe the B.S. Ego Talk to the contrary. You might think of it as changing the color palette that your brain picks from to paint your experience.

It takes vigilance and persistence to change your brain’s patterns. Regular practices like daily meditation keep it in check, exercise and conscious body movement keep it from settling too deeply, and a generally positive outlook on life prevent it from spreading too far.

In addition to these, here’s a three-pronged approach to working the plastic nature of your brain to your benefit:

1. Determine a replacement pattern. Mine is a beautiful feeling of Delight.
2. Reconnect with this replacement on a daily basis. I do it at the end of meditation session when I’m relaxed and inwardly focused.
3. Keep a thread of awareness alert for default sneaking on the scene. When you catch it, say something like, “A-ha! I see you. Delight! (or whatever your replacement it) let’s inundate this bugger into oblivion!” It’s just like when you reserve a small amount of awareness trained on your kids playing in another part of the house, you’re ever-ready to act should you sense a problem.

Altogether, it takes a minimal amount of time to daily and yields crazy amazing results. The main challenge is remembering to do it. It gets easier and faster with practice.

Just think, after doing this for a while, your experience of life becomes sweeter. Rather than a flavor of downer coloring your experience, you move toward a bearable lightness of being, ahhhhh.

What’s your default? Is it good as is? or what’s your default?

Photo credits: rev color palette copy by katrinket

The natural professional video today is on speaking up. If you’d prefer to read instead of watch the video, the transcript is below.

 
[Transcript]

Right now I’m working on a few projects: one is the podcast (that’s now up iTunes! It’s an interview with Tami Simon, the founder of Sounds True).

The other thing I’m working on right now is the Natural Professional Manifesto. It’s something that’s been in the works for a long time—I’ve been wanting to write it, I’ve been wanting to put it out in the world for quite a while, and it’s a big thing.

It represents my philosophy, my approach to all this, and why I’m doing it. Then it turns around and speaks to how it’s going to help make the world a better place. How it’s going to make your life better and all that kind of good stuff.

What these two projects have in common right now is that 1) they’re both really big and 2) there are a lot of questions around them.

For example, is anyone going to read it, is anyone going to listen to the podcast, is anyone going to care about what I have to say, am I going to get my point across, is anyone going to be interested, is it going to be compelling.

There are a lot of reasons, in other words, to not do them. But that’s not just going to fly.

A friend of mine told me about something that she had recently heard and it has stuck with me all week long. It speaks to Pema Chodron’s unconditional confidence.

Unconditional confidence in your goodness as a human being. Wow.

An awesome reminder to come back to your core, what’s important. It doesn’t matter how many people read or listen to my stuff. It doesn’t matter how “successful” it is out there in the world.

All these things are great but fundamentally what’s important is this strength of being that comes from unconditional confidence. I’m capable of handling anything that comes my way.

And of course she’s talking about it from the perspective of mindfulness. When you’re present in the situation you can handle anything. Anxiety and stress kind of scoot out the back door when you are present and knowing that you can handle anything that comes your way.

As I was looking around online I came across the Science and Nonduality Conference, which is a conference I hadn’t heard of before. It takes place in October in San Raphael, California.

The mission of the conference is to heal the schism between science and spirituality while defining a new understanding of what it means to be human, inspired by the mystics and grounded in modern Science. Very cool.

What I also saw on the website, on the speakers page, is that 10 out of 38 speakers are women. (That’s only 26%.)

Now if what we’re talking about here is shifting paradigm… about learning how to—well, this is my take on what the new paradigm is about—learning how to tap back into the wisdom and to the heart knowledge, and that is more in the realm of the feminine energy, why aren’t there more women speakers?!

Why aren’t we out there speaking and sharing what we know to be true? Why is it still the majority that men are the ones who are explaining, describing, and setting the parameters of what the new paradigm is going to be about?

Now, men can be super in touch with their feminine side. Awesome. But minimally, I would like to see a 50-50 split. Call me crazy. Where are the women? Why aren’t we speaking up? Why aren’t we in these places of leadership and authority that we’re being asked to speak at these conferences?

Which brings me back to looking at the things I’m working on and the experience that I’m having which involves a lot of self-doubt. Working on the manifesto and the interviews, it’s easy to get pulled back by the questions.

By the self-doubt. By the lack of confidence.

However it is that you need to dig in and find that unconditional confidence in yourself so that you can speak up and share your truth and say what you know needs to be said to the people who need to hear it.

That’s your job. That’s your charge in this life. This is the time to be speaking up loudly, gloriously, and with great passion!

So take your time to get quiet, to come back to center to allow for the possibility of unconditional confidence.

Because you have something to say. And we want to hear it.

Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D. is a health psychologist and lecturer at Stanford University, and a leading expert on the mind-body relationship.

She is an accomplished author, teacher, and expert on willpower and compassion.

In this interview, you’ll hear how compassion plays a huge role in your success as a business owner.

• How self-compassion affects your ability to rebound after a setback.
• How compassion helps you get more out of negotiation.

And of special interest to the natural professional, you’ll hear

• How she has carved her path on her terms.
• The importance of process (not just the end result) in choosing to take on a project.

I had the honor of talking with her at the Wisdom 2.0 Conference and greatly enjoyed her approach, which is passionate, insightful and relevant to daily life—all at the same time.

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Listen
Interview with Kelly McGonigal (mp3)
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Subscribe
To the Natural Professional’s Authentic Success Podcast in iTunes.
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Connect with or find out more about Kelly:

• her books, including newly published The Willpower Instinct
• website: kellymcgonigal.com
• Twitter @kellymcgonigal
• article ref’d in interview: Why Stress Makes It Difficult to Change a Habit — And What You Can Do About It
• Stanford’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education

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Podcast music credit:

Osculate (orbit sensation) feat.
Kaer Trouz by shagrugge is licensed under a Noncommercial Sampling Plus.

Societally, we honor things out there. Good deeds. Huge piles o’ money. Wild success.

And yet.

Those creations, and the fruits of creations, are sourced from within.

Their uniqueness comes from within, well, from observation of the stuff done before and then mixed with magic from within.

Steve Jobs is a perfect example. Think he was all about the stuff out there? “Well, he was a visionary” one might reply.

Of course he was. And why was he so good? Because he listened to an inner aesthetic and stuck to it like a tick hangs on to a dog.

And yet.

The inner journey is not honored in our society.

Very weird.

You might not be the next Steve Jobs; however, you can be the innovator in your life.

Go within. Listen.

Watch for the aesthetic that is uniquely yours. Then hang on for a wild ride.

Remember, no one can tell you what that should look like.

That’s entirely up to you.

XO

: : : : : : : : : :

Photo credit: Fruit Salad by lisaclarke

The boardwalk on Commercial St.

I’m sitting in a cafe with my first latte in weeks (been majorly cooling the dairy intake. Big sigh.)

The barista this morning is the cafe owner, a young guy who bought the place a couple of years ago from his then-boss.

I like his music aesthetic. Right now it’s an ambient electronic groove mixed with real instruments, right now a violin. Mellow sounds, but not so mellow that you start feeling melancholy or like you’re listening to the beginning of a guided relaxation tape.

Unexpectedly, there’s an early morning meeting in progress—a lot of folks sitting around two or three tables, 10 people maybe. 

I see a city council member, our new police chief and district attorney, one guy I was on the Downtown Association board with, some immediate shop owners and the rest must be citizens concerned about our little town.

The voices vary between a calm relaying of experiences and agitated self-righteousness. They’re talking about the ever-present crowd of folks that hang out on the boardwalk in a large group. (boardwalk in photo above)

Some voices relay concern about these homeless. Others insist that they have enough money for drugs and alcohol at the bar (implying that they don’t deserve kind words of concern). What the actual situation of these folks on the street is is unknown.

What is known is that they smoke cigarettes and joints, deal drugs and generally carry on in a way that frustrates the shop owners whose stores they loiter in front of.

What do these loiterers have to do with my business??

Lest you think this post is going to end up in a brilliant commentary on how we can all peacefully co-exist with our chosen lifestyles, I assure you, that’s not where we’re headed.

While the subject of personal freedom, loitering, drug use and homelessness is complicated to say the least, the eavesdropping triggered several other issues that can be applied to your adventures in business and growth as a human being.

1. Inviting the “offenders” to participate.
   It’s certainly easier to paint broad strokes of assumptions and stereotyping when no one from that group is present.Sure, building and cultivating relationships takes time, but what better way to see each others’ point of view? It keeps the negative charge out of “They” this and “They” that.

Applying this in your business: 
Our overactive imaginations seem to jump at any chance to make something out of nothing or something big out of something small.

   Marketing is a scary proposition when you think of the faceless masses that need to be convinced of how awesome you are.

   Avoid the “They” syndrome and find specific people to put faces on. Learn about them, their fears, dreams, habits. Besides deflating the fear factor of that mysterious entity we call the target market, you’ll have an easier time communicating with them. And since quality marketing is about building relationships, this is just good practice all the way around.

2. Encouraging people to take personal and civic responsibility
   Being aware of our impact on our surroundings and acting accordingly is one of the signs of an enlightened society in my book. We’re all here on this earth together.Walking up to this crowd of people and preaching my values of personal responsibility probably isn’t a tactic that would go over too well.When someone tries to “teach” us without our permission, we throw up walls. When given the space to observe and take in info on our own terms, we remain open to new ways of doing or thinking.

   One of the best ways to influence other people is through modeling, i.e. walking your talk.

   Applying this in your business: 
Many of us are in business for ourselves because of a very strong allegiance to our values. By showing what personal responsibility means to me through my writings and stories, I’m subtly reinforcing this as positive behavior. (did you see that coming?)

   Making your values public is also good for marketing. Folks want to know what you stand for. Taking a stand serves as a beacon of light to those who want to do business with people of similar inclinations.

   Whatever your philosophy is, articulate it.

3. Staying grounded and present with an issue that makes us uncomfortable.
   It’s a lot easier to say, “help the starving people in Africa” than to engage in direct dialogue with a group of people whose behavior you don’t understand and that maybe makes you squirm a little bit.My yoga teacher says that yoga begins the moment you feel the urge to come out of a pose. How you deal in that moment probably mirrors your patterns of reaction in your life:
   • Do you clench your jaw and power through?
   • 
Do you back off and think, “that’s for people with more experience than I”?
   • 
Do you take note of the discomfort and then put your attention on your breath?

   
   Applying this in your business:
This is kind of a funny one to mention to people who are forging their own way in business, i.e. faced with uncomfortable situations all the time.

   When you pay attention to your reactions in situations, you can begin to notice patterns. When you see what you tend to avoid, you’ll often find that those are the exact areas of growth for you.

   Being aware of the fear that arises and then consciously taking action despite the angst is one of the most powerful stances you can take in your life—and that often results in the most awesome benefits.

Being in business is an awesome vehicle for personal growth. Getting personal with “those people”, sharing viewpoints you are passionate about, and working with yourself in the face of discomfort are just three ways to benefit your business and be a better person for it.

Welcome to the inaugural interview for The Authentic Success Podcast!

Kicking off this interview series, I talk with Tami Simon, founder of SoundsTrue.com, the multimedia publishing company dedicated to disseminating spiritual wisdom.

You’re in for a real treat as Tami has consciously walked her talk in business with admirable integrity for over 25 years. In this episode, Tami talks about her definitions of success, and how she has achieved organic growth with Sounds True. She also talks about the importance of meditation in her life and to what benefit.

The company has been nominated twice for the Inc. 500 list of the fastest-growing companies, proving that conscious business can lead to crazy awesome success.

I greatly appreciate your patience with the audio quality of this recording which was recorded live at the Wisdom 2.0 conference (with my mac’s on-board mic instead of the Yeti microphone–Ouch!).

Interview with Tami Simon (mp3)

Other Links:

• Sounds True website
• Free meditation sampler at Withinsight.com

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Subscribe to the natural professional’s Authentic Success Podcast in iTunes.

(Note from Shawn: This was originally sent out in a New WOW update—sign up in sidebar—and I got such a positive response, I’m putting it up on the blog. Enjoy!)

Whether you’re in a sour mood looking to lighten up, or in a good mood ready to blast off into bliss, there is a single perspective shift that flips the switch in an extraordinary way.

About a decade ago, I worked at a cafe in San Luis Obispo, a sweet little town on the Central Coast of California where I had recently moved.

Not only was it a great way to meet folks from different parts of the community, it was an effective reality check injection into my dream of opening my own cafe. My mind had played the fun parts of cafe-life over and over in my imagination and had conveniently left out scenes of potential incompatibility.

For example, I’m an introvert. I know this comes as a surprise to some people, but it’s absolutely true.

Being an introvert doesn’t mean I don’t like hanging out with people or being social. What it means is that as soon as I get tired from socializing, the overwhelming instinct kicks in to beeline to a quiet place where I can close the door and be alone.

Given that lovely solitude, depleted energy reserves refill. When not allowed that luxury, my mood goes sour and quickly.

At some point in your life, you’ve probably worked in some aspect of food service and know that, while it can be fun, it’s something like work. And there’s a lot of socializing to be done.

At my cafe job, the 8am customers would get my sunny, cheerful mood.
The mid-morning folks would be met with a mildly irked patience.
The early lunch customers would get an aspect of a Medusa-wannabe.

Until one day. My shift was almost over. The crank factor in me was rising as the customer on the other side of the counter stared at the drink board. He was the kind of guy who didn’t seem to have it all together. He was indecisive, taking too long. He kept making lame comments that were borderline inappropriate (he thought they were funny).

As I waited for him to decide, a thought hit me upside the head:
What if this were God I’m talking to?

The reasoning was close behind:
If God is the energy making up the very fabric of the Universe, then this was God in front of me.
And this being the case, he deserved just as much humble respect as the Dalai Lama or Jesus or anyone else who represents all that is Good.

This stopped me in my tracks. It didn’t matter one whit who this guy was or what his deal was. Maybe he was lonely, maybe he was insecure, maybe he was mildly mentally challenged. I don’t know and it didn’t matter.

What mattered was that anything I said or thought toward him be in the spirit of humility to all that weaves us together in this common experience of life.

The dynamic changed immediately. I gave him my full attention and he looked as if he got what he needed.

This lesson showed me that my job there at the cafe wasn’t about serving coffee as much as it was about Service. Service to each and every person who came through that door, whatever their reason might be.

Life is a fantastic gift. It’s also hard, confusing, and bewildering at times. It was so easy to get caught up in my own experience and lose touch with the bigger picture. By acknowledging each customer as a light deserving to shine, I gave them so much more than what they came for. And, man, did that feel good!!!

The gratitude I have for that experience in the cafe is immense. In fact, the lesson learned has become part of my definition of Success. Well, not the lesson itself, but the quality of the experience:
When I acknowledge and interact with someone as if they were God, my heart opens to joy. And that, for me, is a successful interaction.

Why don’t you give it a try? The next time you’re at a cafe or the grocery store, find a person you normally wouldn’t talk to and ask yourself, What if this were God I was talking to? (Or whatever your interpretation of the Divine is.) Ask them how their day is going. Give them the gift of your full and undivided attention. Give the gift of your presence.

It’s such a simple thing to do that opens up the world in a crazy wonderful way.

The other day (true story) I left the house for a walk. It was a gorgeous day.

My neighbor was in the street with a friend of hers. They were talking to a dog, who just stood there looking at them, a tad apprehensive.

At first I thought the dog belonged to the friend, but knew that wasn’t the case when she said loudly, “Go home!”

Whose pup is this?

The dog, timid, ran across the street and came near me. Us three humans looked at each other. “Do you know whose dog this is?” Nope Nope and Nope.

We looked up the street. We looked down the street. No likely dog walkers anywhere to be seen.

Not wanting to approach the dog seeing as she was clearly nervous, I called her to me. She came. I checked her collar, no digits. Not a single one.

“Where do you live, pup?” She looked in my eyes, gave me a little wag with her tail and told me that she was all mine for the moment. (Obviously, she didn’t actually ‘speak’ those words, she just kind of vibed them at me in a canine way.)

I thought maybe her owner was staying at the Inn down the street. I asked the pup to be a good dog, to follow along, and set off.

“Oh boy! Going for a walk!” She was clearly happy with the prospect and trotted right along with me.

[Side note: Seeing as I'm not a dog owner, you may be surprised to know that I take dog walking fairly seriously. I have an ex-boyfriend who was about as close to being a dog whisperer as I've ever met and his dog was the most secure, confident, well-behaved dog that I've had the pleasure to meet. Watching them was inspiring and educational.]

She was so good. If she started into the street, one stern word from me would pull her back to the sidewalk. If she lagged too far behind sniffing some tasty smells, one word and she’d catch up.

If you, perchance, saw my Facebook post the other day that said, “I took an hour-long walk with a dog yesterday. Don’t know whose dog it was” you’ll guess, correctly, that the Inn person didn’t recognize the dog.

We walked all over town. I asked people if they recognized her. I kept my eyes peeled for anyone who looked like they might be looking for a dog. Nothing.

About an hour later we were back at my place. She lapped up water and I called the animal shelter. What was I supposed to do? I didn’t want to leave her to roam and my place isn’t set up for a dog…

They asked me to bring her in (is this always the case (!?) or was it just because it was Sunday?)

I said OK and hung up. Hmmm. Not wanting to take her in, but resigned if necessary, I said to her, “One more street. We haven’t gone down Pine St., ok?” Wag.

We went down Pine St. and up Main St.

As we got near the end of Main St., a Subaru drove by slowly and came to a stop as the pup jumped into the street in front of the car.

Her owner must drive a Subaru, but this wasn’t it. It happened to be my neighbor’s friend again. I told her I’d just about given up and was going to take her in. Looking up, I saw the dog heading toward a side street. Hm.

“I’ll try that one last street,” I told the friend and join the dog. All of a sudden the pup got super playful, running at me and swerving at the last moment. Hmmm.

She ran into a yard without a fence, trots back 25 yards and takes a poop in the tall grass. I call her. She’s not listening to me anymore. Subaru in the driveway.

I walked up to the front door, knock and wait. Knock again and wait. And again. No one. The pup is trotting around but not really sniffing at stuff. She still isn’t listening to me.

I went to the next door neighbor’s house and knock. Finally, someone home! “Do you recognize that dog?” I say pointing to her.

Back in her own yard.

“Yes, he lives there.” He said with a look of disdain. “I never see people interact with the dog. She just growls at us when we walk by.”

I tell him what a good dog she’s been for the last, at this point, hour and a half. How timid she was of other dogs. The neighbor seems happy to know that she’s not actually mean, probably just territorial and a little scared.

I said my goodbyes and went home.

Besides the fact that she seems to be somewhat neglected, I was happy to have gotten the dog to her home.

What a funny adventure. You might think that the two of us had wanted some company for a lovely Sunday afternoon walk, met up and did just that.

For that hour and a half we were best of companions out to solve the mysterious case of the dog without a human. She being her follower canine self, me being my alpha self. She happy to sniff and trot, me happy to walk and be out under the wide open sky.

Was it coincidence that we ended up at her home just when it was time for the walk to end?

Or could it be that for the afternoon, we were tuned in to another kind of guidance. An instinctual sense that sourced in the heart and was attuned to joy—in this case, a joy of camaraderie.

Whatever you call it, for me it’s a poignant reminder of what can happen when I act from the heart and trust.

What life can be like when I stop trying so damn hard.

Sometimes it’s hard to act or make a decision on something even though we know it’s a good idea. What’s going on?